On Yoga, Cancer & Fulfillment

I recently fulfilled a dream of becoming a certified yoga teacher.

When I signed up for the 200 hour, 30 day intensive training, I knew I would be challenged physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but I could never imagined the enormity and how much cancer would interweave itself in the experience.

One of our first homework assignments was to write an essay on how yoga contributed to our highest aim in life. This prompt forced me to examine what my highest aim was and it surprised me that it was a topic I’d never contemplated.

After days of thought, I concluded that my highest aim is to live a life of fulfillment, which is defined in Merriam-Webster’s as, “satisfaction or happiness as a results of fully developing one’s abilities or character.”

For me this fulfillment comes from experiences, health and relationships where happiness, love, growth, creativity, compassion and gratitude are continuously expanding. I believe that yoga makes all of these things more attainable and/or enhances them.

Since my cancer diagnosis, my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health has become my number one priority above anything else. Everyday I want to be healthier than the day before. Years ago, my yoga practice fizzled. I became “busy” with climbing the corporate ladder, a husband, a social life, etc. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if the cease of regular detoxing and moving my body in such a way contributed to cancer.  In addition, I let stress and constant busyness consume my life. No doubt I was compromised mentally, emotionally, spiritually and then, physically.

My belief is also that yoga has aided me in opening my mind to new experiences and cultures. When I started practicing 10 years ago, I had never been out of the country.  Yoga helped open my eyes to uncomfortable zones and cultures. What I discovered is that I love experiencing new things and places. Since my yoga practice began, I’ve been to 20+ countries and attended yoga classes in many of them, where I often don’t speak the native language, but am able to connect with others through movements and breath. Heck, a yoga class is even a great way to travel to places and spaces you never knew existed in yourself, without so much as leaving the four corners of your mat.

However, the most important part of fulfillment is the relationships with my loved ones and, above all, with myself. I always wanted (and still do) a reciprocal love with others, but, in the past, I almost always skipped over the relationship with myself. I was never skinny enough or smart enough or rich enough or fill in the blank enough. Call me crazy, but I do believe I attracted cancer because I had a dysfunctional relationship with my body. My faith is strong in the law of attraction and I experienced the consequences of always saying, “I’m fat” or “I hate my thighs, butt, stomach, whatever.” I have since banished those words from leaving my lips. Yoga has helped me improve my self-love when it taught me not to compare, judge and that I am limitless.  This enriched relationship then overflows to my relationships with other people, animals and things.

So, yes – yoga is the great multiplier, aider, element and secret sauce to fulfillment, which is the highest aim in my life.

I challenge you to think about what is the highest aim in your life and do your actions get your closer or farther away from this aim?  

The Ordinary World

 

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As featured on carcinoid.org

The Hero’s Journey is a narrative template identified by writer Joseph Campbell. It is said to be the greatest story ever told because it has appeared over and over in some of our most beloved stories and movies such as Jaws, Star Wars, and my personal favorite, Thelma and Louise.  It is an overwhelming obstacle assigned to an un-wanting individual who must find the strength to endure and persevere.   

It is my story and the story of many cancer survivors.

(…READ MORE)

 

This essay is a revised version of my April reading at the Bluebird Cafe, which was part of My 2nd Act: Survivor Stories from the Stage.

Switzerland: Breaking Laws and Hearts

Saturday my “handsome brother” and I hopped on a plane from Paris to Nice where he and his girlfriend recently moved. The promise of the warmth and sun of the French Riviera was not fulfilled, but, sometimes you’ve gotta bring your own sunshine. Am I right or am I right?

We spent the next few days galloping along to Côte d’Azur. Dinner in Antibes, long walks along the Promenade des Anglais in Nice, another dinner in Villefranche, a long, rocky hike in the Cap Roux and spending a wonderful last day in Monaco, where the sun made an appearance. I’ve not spent much time in the south of France, but can see why it’s such a hot spot. Blue water, (usually) sunny skies, with the mountains as a backdrop- how can you not love it? I look forward to coming back when I can swim in the warm Mediterranean and I’m so lucky to have family who graciously opens their home to me, making it quite affordable.

The beach in Antibes

Cloudy Nice

Hiking Cap Roux

Monaco

Wednesday it was off to Geneva to see one of my favorite people on the planet. Lara and I grew up across the street from each other and spent our twenties having a blast together under the same roof. If St. Cyr en Val is my 3rd home, wherever Lara is is my 4th.

She had to work Thursday, so I went into Geneva alone to do touristy things. I started at the Red Cross Museum, which was just ok. After an insanely overpriced sandwich (Switzerland is crazy expensive), I went to the United Nations for their afternoon guided tour. I arrived early, so I sat on a bench eating an apple and taking pictures. I asked the security guard if I could throw the core in his trash. First, he wouldn’t even acknowledge me, but I was literally standing right in front of him and asked again. He said, “no,” and waved his finger at me. Really?!?! Lara had warned me about the probability of rudeness. So, in an act of revenge, (and because I couldn’t find a bin) I littered my apple core in the flower bed. Take that United Nations! Stacie -1. World – 0.

The scene of the apple crime

Once it was time for the tour, I handed over my passport, was asked several questions (none of which had to do with littering, thank God) and went through security. They gave me a visitor badge and then I was free to move around the campus as I wished. I found this very strange.

The tour was pretty awesome though. Our guide Pablo (Spain), lead our group through several rooms, shared what historical events took place there and told us fun facts about the UN, world leaders, art work, procedures and policies. It was really interesting and I highly recommend if you’re ever in Geneva.

My next plan was to take the bus to Old Town. After a little searching, I found the stop and was 99% sure I was going the right way. I prepared my fare and when the bus driver pulled up, I asked (in French and English), “Does this bus go to Old Town?” The driver, looked at me after I asked nearly four times and refused to respond. Then, he started driving, as I was still standing, knowing that I was not 100% confident of my direction. Really?!?!? What was even more surprising is that no one around acknowledged this or tried to intervene. And they say French people are rude. So, in my second act of retaliation against the Swiss, I did not pay the fare. Take that, Switzerland!

Fortunately, I was on the right bus. I got off in Old Town, visited the cathedral and stopped in a cafe to rest and have a coffee. I then walked to Lake Geneva and spent the next couple hours walking along the water admiring the Jet d’eau, birds and beautifully manicured spring gardens. I made a couple creepy, but harmless “friends” who offered to show me around Geneva. I said, “Sure, my name’s Lara,” and shared her number with them. Haha! I’m kidding, but it was fun seeing her face when I told her she should be anticipating some calls. All kidding aside, it feels good to have my pretty back, even though it’s only my husband’s opinion that I care about.

And can I just add that I have greatly overestimated my ability to be away from said husband – missing him!

Lake Geneva and Jet d’eau

Flower Clock

Swans and such

In the early evening, Lara picked me up and we went to an adorable little village for a drink before heading home for dinner and hours of great conversation. The kind of long talks that you can only share with your nearest and dearest. Love her and excited to begin our 36th year together this weekend.