I love the Chinese people. Here are a few things that they love…..

–Anything really loud. This includes women screaming over a microphone at the grocery store promoting foods on special, music in any retail store, bars and clubs, when talking on the phone and I could go on and on. I’ll be lucky if I get to leave the country without a hearing aid.

–Umbrellas. Don’t leave home without it. We are in rainy season which means it could go from a beautiful polluted, blue sky to 2 feet of rain water on the ground in an hour. But, the even bigger reason to carry your umbrella with you everywhere is to block the sun. The Chinese, women especially, hate getting any sort of tan and go to extremes to prevent it (holding newspapers, books, purses over their heads).

–Heels. I have no idea how these women walk around the city in heels all day long. I can barely withstand them for a night. And forget trying to find a nice, flat sandal for summertime. Heels only.

–Stupid haircuts. The men here need some help. Remember when Posh Spice was doing the side angle thing? Well, it’s a combination of that along with the 80’s poof and dyed blonde. As Paris Hilton would say, ‘that’s hot’. The very moment we buy a new camera, I promise to post a few picks. .

–Stamps. It’s not a valid receipt unless it’s stamped. Try going through customs without 100 stamps on your passport. Everywhere we go, the Chinese are stamping everything they see. Even the entry tickets into our community pool have stamps.

–Man bags. Hell, I’m a call it like I see it kind of girl, so let’s just call it a purse. And they don’t even try to carry the inconspicuous black, leather one. If the man likes pink, he is secure with his manhood and get’s a pink pleather Gucci knock off.

–Bikes. With a city of 12 million, I think it’s great that you are using this green transportation vehicle. I appreciate it, the others on the planet appreciate it and my lungs (that breathe your polluted air) appreciate it. My only suggestion is that you might want to through a few Yuan at a bike that wasn’t made in 1945. I know it still works, but when the frame breaks while your crossing the highway one night, you’ll thank me.

–Badminton, Ping Pong and other stupid exercises. The badminton and ping pong is a little stereotypical but, they really do love it. The school across the street from us has a whole badminton facility and it’s not unusual to see people just playing on a city street. The stupid exercise part cracks us up. Whenever we are in the park for a run we pass people who are walking and swinging their arms from left to right, clapping their hands, holding their arms out in front of them or to the side as they walk, etc. But, I believe their life span is longer than that of Americans so maybe they know something we don’t.

–Squating. And I’m not just talking about when in the toliet (Refer back to my most popular post, It Could Happen to You). Someone told me that another common medical belief is that women shouldn’t sit on the ground. I’m not sure why. But, even the men don’t ever sit on the ground. It’s really funny to see a group of men, in a park, squatting and talking or playing cards. Every time we pass someone doing this, Fabien makes a fart noise. It’s immature, but it never fails to make me laugh.

–Babies. But who doesn’t love babies, right? Well, because they are only allowed one child per family, that baby is oh so precious to them. Every afternoon the grandmothers congrigate with their respective babies and coddle them like crazy.

It’s been a while, so let me give you a few Dollar DVD’s……

New Moon. I drank the Koolaid on the plane over here and bought the Twlight book. To be honest, when I was done, I wasn’t on board and even decided not to continue with the second book. So, when my DVD Dealer suggested Twlight and New Moon to me I bought them but only because there was nothing else I was interested in. I watched Twlight and my feelings were reenforced after it was finished. BUT THEN I watched New Moon and I get it. Team Jacob girls! The story line is so interesting with the wolves and vampires that I’ve watched it three times and decided to read the book. Fabien even said it was decent.

It’s Complicated. Fabien and I both thought this was really good. You probably know the story line, but basically it’s about an ex-husband and ex-wife who rekindle their broken romance. It’s just a really funny movie and Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep are a great duo.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I know that I am probably the last one to see this film but it just hasn’t crossed my path since this week. I just thought Benjamin was so inspiring and I plan to rematch it to capture some of the great, inspiring quotes. It vaguely reminded me of Forest Gump, but I love that movie too. So, if you are one of the few people who haven’t seen it, watch it!

And lastly, I have a US number that you can contact us at from cell phones and landlines for no charge at all. It’s (248) 556-2826 just remember that we are 12 hours ahead of you.

Let me just random ramble, rant, rave and vent about a few things…

WTF Lady at the grocery store…Why do you charge me for a plastic bag? Do you realize that I just spent 100¥ in your store? Had I known I was going to have to pay 1¥ for the bag, I would’ve just said “no” (or bu). I know it’s not a lot of money (about 10 cents), it’s the principle. Next time she tries to pull a fast one like that, I’m going ask her if she’d like a butt kicking and then ask her for 10¥ when I’m done with her. WTF Lady at the grocery store.

WTF Little man on the subway….I just got a pedicure and now you step on my foot. If the paint wasn’t still wet I would karate kick you. You should sleep with one eye open because once this pant dries, it’s on like Donkey Kong. WTF Little man on the subway.

WTF Bartender…I know this isn’t a Captain and Coke. Trust me. I’ve had enough Captain Morgan’s in my life to know the taste and this isn’t it. And don’t argue with me telling me again and again that it is Captain. Whatever is in this glass isn’t what I ordered. Stop pretending you know Western liquors better than Westerners. Pour me a new drink before I seriously freak out. WTF Bartender.

WTF Woman at the English bookstore…Let’s have a little talk. I’m in a special little section of the book stored titled “Imported Books”. I know that I asked you if you had a book titled “Living in China”, but it doesn’t mean that I want the book in Chinese. So don’t you dare tell me I need to go to the Chinese book store. WTF Woman at the English bookstore.

WTF Girl in yoga class…Shave your pits. Seriously, WTF girl in yoga class.

WTF Cars. I’m sleeping. Why do you have to all beep on the street below. It’s like you actually believe that the longer you hold the horn down will actually incentify the police to clear the accident more quickly. WTF Cars.

WTF Danny’s Bagel. The name of your restaurant is “Danny’s Bagel” but when we order a bagel you tell us you don’t have any bagels and sell pizza. Could I recommend that you call the place “Danny’s Pizza”? My opinion is that your whole restaurant is one big scham and that your really running a drug op out of the back. I’m on to you and if you don’t get some bagels in this place, stat, I’ll be making a little visit to the Chinese FBI. WTF Danny’s Bagel.

WTF People on the elevator. I don’t understand your logic. Why do you push to get on the lift before the people exit? Really, your actions make no sense. And as a side note, would it kill you if you didn’t star at me the entire ride? I’m aware of the fact that I look different and you invading my space, just so you can get a closer look isn’t great for my self esteem. WTF People on the elevator.

WTF Department store sales lady….You are smoking crack if you think I am paying 500 Yuan for a little sweater. This isn’t Paris or New York City sister. White does not equal stupid but I am honestly questioning your intelligence. WTF Department store sales lady.

WTF Useless woman in the aisle of the grocery store…First of all, I’m perfectly capable of finding the items listed on the overhead sign on my own. Next, don’t tell me the where the bacon is because I’m not even looking for bacon. Do you think that just because I’m American that I love anything dripping in grease and fat? Well, yes, I love bacon but you need to stop assuming things. Step into my office. Why? Because you’re fired. WTF Useless woman in the grocery store.

Thanks for letting me get those things off my chest everyone.

I get a lot of questions from people about life here, so I thought it would be a good time to address some of the Frequently Asked Questions…

What do you eat?
Refer to “Bon Appetit”. But we pretty much eat everything we would eat back home. There are lots of things in English writing at the stores and I usually hit up an import store once a week for specialty items (ie Nutella for the man).

Does it smell funny?
Yes, it does. Usually no more than any other big city. The one thing that is a little unusual is all of the building going on around our house. I couldn’t even count the number of skyscrapers going up outside our window. Sometimes, we get a nice chemical smell from that.

Is the government reading my emails?
Who knows. Probably. When I registered at the police station, they asked for my email address, so I wouldn’t doubt it.

Is the internet and outside news censored?
Not that I notice. I’m able to access CNN, BBC, MSNBC, etc. without any problem. Sometimes there are China negative articles, so I don’t think the gov’t could possibly catch everything. The biggest difference is that I can not access Facebook regularly and my blog runs really slow.

Do they scan you for a fever when you enter the country?
Yes. I’ve even seen someone taken into a little room in the scanning area. Basically, if you are sick, don’t enter. But, I recently read an article about a woman who was taken into quarantine at the border and, from what she said, it wasn’t a big deal. They just want to make sure you don’t have H1N1.

Do you eat dog or cat?
Not that I’m aware of and I haven’t seen it on the menu here in Guangzhou. I’ve heard than in the outlying areas of the Guangdong province, it’s not that unusual to see it on the menu.

Is everyone really smart?
Ummm…no. Those smart Chinese kids that you used to cheat off of in Algebra class…those are the elite ones.

What do you do all day?
I really don’t want to sit on my butt here. Each day I work out (either yoga or running), study French and Chinese, do household tasks and prepare things for my blog. Believe it or not, I’ve been getting over 100 hits a day. Chances are it’s the Chinese gov’t making sure I don’t say anything bad, but I was seriously overwhelmed by how many readers I have.

Do you have any friends?
Yes. Most of them are Fabien’s co-workers. They are a nice bunch and we’ve had some good times already. Unfortunately, I don’t have an Chinese friends, yet. In day to day life, I have exchanged numbers with a few Chinese girls, but friendship has come of it yet. The best part are their names. I’ve met people named Moon (a guy), Romantic, Rainbow and several Kitties. It’s like there’s a contest to find the stupidest English name possible.

So, I think that’s it but feel free to let me know if there is anything I’ve missed.