The Camino: Hopes and Fears of a Cancer Survivor

As featured on curetoday.com



“May your choices reflect your hopes and dreams, not your fears.” -Nelson Mandela
I’ve found that I must be very intentional to not let fear paralyze my life. When it does creep in, I quickly switch to my gratitude list, taking one moment at a time and reminding myself of Mandela’s quote.

In 2012, I completed half of the El Camino de Santiago (or simply, “the Camino”), a 500-mile path across the northern part of Spain that people (called pilgrims) have been walking for over a thousand years. Camino means “path” in Spanish, and there are several of them throughout Europe that all end at the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, Spain, only a few miles shy of the Atlantic coast, which was once thought to be the end of the world. The origins of the walk are religious, but people do it nowadays for all kinds of reasons and purposes. I have been blessed to have done a fair amount of traveling in my life, but the Camino is one of my most treasured chapters. For years, I have been wanting to go back to finish the pilgrimage, but there was always a reason to put it off until next year, when the circumstances would seem right. But when next year isn’t guaranteed, your entire thought process changes.

Last summer, I made some new friends who were getting ready to go to Spain to walk the El Camino de Santiago. Being around them as they contemplated equipment, logistics and the physicality of walking 10 to 20 miles a day was a bittersweet emotion. I could not bare the thought of never finishing the journey I began, and I swore to myself that as soon as I was healthy again, I would complete the Camino. So after finishing chemo and recovering from my second abdominal surgery, I put it on the calendar. I began buying equipment and telling people about my trip, but still part of me was holding back. I knew it was a risk, but I scheduled my departure one week after a check-up and results appointment. I did this because I wanted to go with my doctor’s blessing and to be told I was was good for another three months.

However, like many cancer survivors, I’ve developed a bit of a doomsday syndrome. I bought all my stuff from REI, but left the tags on. Fear. I bought travel insurance so I’d be reimbursed when I was told I shouldn’t go. Fear. I wrote this post and held it back until I got the all clear from my doctor. Fear.

All of those acts of fear were completely useless because my scans were clear. As I complete my final draft of this article, I’m excited to be sitting on a flight to Paris. I’ll be spending three weeks making my way through France and Switzerland visiting family and friends who I haven’t seen in over two years due to not being able to travel while I was sick. Then on May 16th, I’ll head to Spain where I’ll spend the next three weeks literally walking across a country, landing in Santiago de Compostela somewhere around June 2.

Cheers to living out hopes and dreams!

To read all of my articles with Cure, click here.

The Bluebird Cafe Reading: The Ordinary World

On Sunday, I read at the legendary Bluebird Cafe as part of a show, My 2nd Act: Survivor Stories from the Stage.

I’ve been somewhat speechless over the day which was full of many overwhelming emotions, so rather than try to describe an indescribable experience, I’ll just share the video of my essay, The Ordinary World.

To follow my upcoming journey on the El Camino de Santiago, sign up on the right for email updates or check back here. I leave tomorrow (eek!) and will be making my way to Spain via France and Switzerland for some much needed fun before I begin the Camino in Leon, Spain on May 18th.

To read about my first experience on the El Camino de Santiago, check out my blogs from 2012:
Why I’m Kicking Italy to the Curb
Ready, Set, Vamos
Day 1 on the Camino
4 Days to Pamplona
Getting into the Camino Groove
Camino Highs and Lows
Coming Full Circle in Burgos

To learn more about the El Camino de Santiago, check out American Pilgrims on the Camino website.

For even more inspiration, check out the nine other women who shared their stories: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQqrfxhhpofj8XKY0TskQ7T0SoclPtrGl

Thank you!

Le Mariage Français

Yes, I know our french wedding was over year ago and that makes me the world’s biggest procrastinator. In my defense, I did not want to write about the wedding until I got pictures and I just got them. Okay, I got those a month ago. I’m a terrible liar. Here goes…

Basically, it was a blast and here are the highlights…

  • The ceremony in the church that holds decades of history almost didn’t happen. True story – the priest almost didn’t marry us. So, this wasn’t fun, but we can laugh about it now. Back in December 2011, when Fabien & I were both in France for Christmas, we went to see the Priest about our upcoming wedding. He knew that we would be apart for 6 months and explained that to be married in the catholic church, you typically need to undergo marriage counseling. We agreed and proceeded to ignore this requirement. Yes, we are horrible catholics. In my defense, these instructions were given before I spoke french. Plus, we were married already. So, a week before our wedding, we received an email from the Priest explaining that he was “furious” and “disappointed” that we were not taking our marriage and the catholic religion seriously and that he would like to see us the day before our wedding, when we arrive in France to discuss whether he will even preform our ceremony. And so, when we arrived in France, the day before our wedding, jet-lagged beyond belief, we put our tails between our legs and ran over to the church where he greeted us with a huge smile and explained how he was so excited for our wedding. Hmmm, okay.
  • “It’s like rain on your (2nd) wedding day…” The day of our first wedding was so beautiful that we couldn’t be greedy, but the weatherman was predicting a 90% chance of rain, thunderstorms and high winds at exactly the time of our ceremony. It was horrible, look at weather in the pics below:
As you can see, the weather was horrible.

As you can see, the weather was horrible.

And it only got worse throughout the day.

And it only got worse throughout the day.

Eventually, the rain, thunderstorm and high winds did come, but it was at 4am and, at that point, everyone (i.e., me) had too much champagne to care.

  • I was the Russian bride. Yes, my french has dramatically improved, but I’m still a little shakey. So, you can imagine my surprise when I was asked to preform my vows, in french. This after we already agreed with the Priest, that he would read the vows and I would simply give a solid, “oui”. And so I said “oui”, everyone laughed and Fabien handed me a sheet with the vows. I gave it the old college try and did fine, but it sure did give everyone a nice giggle. Also, my friend, Janet, who so graciously agreed to be my witness had no idea (nor did I) that she would have to come to the pew in the church to also give testimony that I agreed to the marriage. At the signing, she and I laughed how she’s not so sure signing a contract, in a language you don’t understand, is a very good practice. She’s a laywer and a good sport.
DSCF0900

Me: “I have no idea what’s going on.” Janet: “Don’t worry, this won’t hold up in court anyway.”

  • Dinner half time shows. This certainly was unexpected. Between courses, Fabien’s friends and family put together little skits and shows. They were really great. There was a song about us, a sumo dance to “Living in America” and a great video slideshow which included a very, shall I say, revealing photo of my husband while on spring break in Spain during college. As Janet said, “That would not have gotten the same reaction in the US.” I laughed and agreed.

mariage fabien stacie 2012 090

mariage fabien stacie 2012 053

  • The all night and into the next day party. I came equipt with a couple 5 hour energy’s, but as it turns out, I didn’t need it. I just drank enough champagne for 5 hours, which gave me energy until about 4am. What I wasn’t equipt for was the all day festivities on Sunday where we ate and played games. I thought Sunday would allow for a proper hangover day where we would watch the french version of Real Housewives and eat fast food, but this is what a french hangover looks like:

mariage fabien stacie 2012 210

  • We literally blew in an out of town. We left on the 4th of July, arrived on the 5th, raced around town with last minute preparations, wedding on the 7th, on the 8th was the after wedding party (which was a total surprise to me) and then we left for Greece on the 9th. Yeah, by the time we got to Athens, we just needed to sleep for a day.

Ultimately, it was, again, the happiest day of my life. It was so great to have all of these friends and family travel from all over the world, who we’ve met on various adventures. To have them all in one spot will probably never happen again and I am forever grateful to them for traveling and continuing to make our story so fun. 2nd, my in-laws were so amazing to put the whole show together. I really did very little. But more than the beautiful wedding they to put together, I thank them most for bringing their amazing son into the world.

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