A business idea for China….hire me to help you make food sound more appetizing to Westerners. Just because you don’t mind “Italian Red Meat” flavored potato chips, doesn’t mean I find them appetizing.

While fighting my way through the grocery, which is an experience in itself, I decided to write down a few of the most interesting English interpretations.

– Curry glutinous rice dumpling (with the first ingredient being lard)
– Aged & soy (sauce) marinated eggs. These can be found in a regular aisle (no refrigeration). The older the better.
– Crab spawn cake
– Meat floss egg roll
– Black bean & walnut tea
– Chicken balls
– Chicken feet

I know, your mouth is watering, right?

In addition to changing the English names on some of their packaging, they also need to beautify their displays. For example, I don’t want to buy chicken out of a bin that people rifle through with their bare hands. May I remind them of the toilet situation and that there is almost never any soap in public restrooms.

I get a lot of questions from people asking me what I eat and whether I’m adhering to Dr. Ramm’s advice (refer back to “Travel Alert Yellow, as in Yellow Fever”). Fortunately, the food here is really good. And now that my profession is domestic engineer, I cook on weekday nights, everything from spaghetti to baked chicken to Dim Sum. Okay, I know I wouldn’t make that at home, but it’s really good. As for listening to Dr. Ramm….not really. I eat cold food (including salads), drink off brand water, fruit with a skin and even milk. I am careful about where we eat and I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to buy food from a street vendor. Fabien and I have both been lucky and haven’t encountered any sort of serious stomach issues since we’ve arrived.

And if I get a little food homesick, the American chains are plentiful. There’s a McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway, Papa Johns, etc. about every block of which all deliver (on bikes) to your door step. Since I’ve been here we really don’t go the the American chains, but that would change if a Taco Bell opened, which I miss dearly.

Guangzhou is the heart of Cantonese culture and a big part of that means tasty food. On the weekends we go out with friends and eat mass quantities of sushi, Thai, Japanese. It’s all amazing and, again, cheap.

Dollar DVD of the Day: It’s been a while, so I’m going to give you two unlikely suspects…

District 9: I took another one for the team on this one and really liked it. The main character accidentally becomes part alien and the movie chronicles his journey to fix his little problem. Mean while he befriends the aliens and exchanges warfare with the government agency trying to catch him, all so he can get fixed and back to his wife. So, ladies, it’s a bit of a love story, but don’t expect a happy ending. Again, this falls under the category of “watch it if it’s on TV”, but it was a solid movie.

A lot of times, I just don’t understand the people here. They walk around with masks on their faces in fear of swine flu, but will jump on a motorcycle without a helmet. I’ve been taking mental notes of contradictory actions such as this. So, here are a few things that will get you killed in Guangzhou (and China in general) if you’re not careful.

Crossing the street. I have no idea who came up with this traffic system. But seriously, WTF? Even when the walk signal to cross the street says go, you still have to look out for those turning right and left. Pedestrians have no right of way and the drivers really don’t care if you are walking and that your signal to do so is green.

Walking down the street. There are several dangers involved in this act. First, Watch out for man hole covers. There not always secure. At someone warned me that if you fall in one “There is no compensation.” Next, be on the look out for spit on the sidewalk. Chinese men love to get a nice, fat lougy and release it on the ground. Simply hearing the act is enough to send me into a screaming rage. Not to mention that one day, I almost broke my neck slipping on the pavement/saliva combo. And lastly, be on the look out for cars driving on the sidewalk. If you can’t find a parking spot on the street, just go ahead and park on the sidewalk. 

Riding a motorbike. Fortunately, they are not allowed in Guangzhou, but in Foshan, the motorbike drivers were CRAZY. Weaving in and out of traffic, driving on the shoulder, between cars, with no helmet and sometimes 4 people on one bike (including children and infants). It’s the Chinese minivan. Also, it’s very cheap to take a motorbike taxi. All you need is a dollar and a death wish.  When we lived in Foshan we saw the remnants of a taxi vs. motorbike match. Guess who won? I’ll give you a hint….there was a big round hole in the windshield of the taxi. I’m guessing it was from the motorbike drivers head. 

Taking a taxi in Shenzhen. This past weekend, Fabien and I went to the city that boarders Hong Kong. With only an hour to make our departing train, the taxi driver was on a mission. Driving on shoulders, sidewalks, through construction projects, you name it. At one point, I just laid down in the back seat. And did I mention there are no seat belts? I figured this might be the only way I could possible prevent myself from being ejected from the car if we got into an accident.

 Crossing the highway. I’m serious, people do this. It’s like that old Atari game that I can’t remember the name of.

 Buying something from a street food vendor. Every morning there is a guy marking breakfast burritos at the top of the Metro stop. Fabien really wants to try one but everyone is warning him not too. I told him if he does, I’m not sharing my Pepto Bismol supply with him.

 Heat stroke. It’s still winter but sometimes it get’s near 90F. On these days I sport my tank top, skirt and flip flops, but the Chinese have jeans, long sleeve shirts, boots, etc. I have no idea how they do it.

 Being trampled getting on and off the Metro. At first, the pushing to get on and off really annoyed me, but now I just push back (sometimes forcefully). Everyone else does it and I get some aggression out.

 Breathing. Hello pollution and second hand smoke. Everyone smokes everywhere. You can even smoke in the police station. There’s no such thing as a no smoking section. I think I’ve even been in an elevator when someone was smoking. Fortunately, it’s not allowed on the Metro. 

 There are over a billion people here, so all of these scenrios are just ways to control the population, but consider this your warning if (or when) you ever travel to China.

 Also, there are some photos in the Photo Gallery of this past weekend when we were Stranded in Guangdong (a whole other blog).

My last blog before leaving to China was a random babble of thoughts, one of which was a list of things I thought I would miss. Again, the obvious – Friends, Family and my beloved Bear and Cally (which I miss more than words can say).  I thought now would be a good time to revisit. On the list was my coffee maker (don’t miss), salad (don’t miss because I eat it here), driving (not at all), American Chinese food (yes, but our Chinese food is good too), Facebook (sometimes miss) and hearing responses in English (YES!) .

But now that I am here for more than a month, below is the real list:

• My car when I have a bunch of stuff to bring home. But on the flip side, I am getting stronger bicep muscles. Surprisingly, I don’t miss driving at all.
• People not staring at me. I know I’m different here, but you don’t have to carelessly stare. Lately, when someone looks at me for longer than a few seconds, I say “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” or “Didn’t your mother tell you it’s no polite to stare?” Even the ones who understand English don’t really understand, but it makes me feel better. I even got a chuckle out of a fellow white person the other day.
• English Television. On a morning following a night of a little drinking, there is nothing more that I miss that laying on the couch watching a little “Real Housewives of Orange County” marathon.  The funny thing is that after 2 weeks in our apartment I did discover 3 English channels. And I know that DVD’s are so cheap, but it’s not the same.
• Michigan neighborhood wildlife. I miss birds and squirrels. The first day we moved into our apartment I looked out the window and saw a white bird. Turns out it was a piece of trash. Then walking to the Metro one night I heard a rustling in some plants and ignorantly said “Sweetie, I think it’s a squirrel or a bird.” Yeah, that would be a rat the size of my cat. We can hear the birds chirping in Yuexia Park, but that’s 7 Metro Stops away.
• Blue skies. Guangzhou is known as one of the polluted cities in the world and I would agree. We do get hazy blue sky, but it’s not like at home. And for the most part it’s overcast everyday. Don’t take your beautiful sky for granted.
• Diversity. Refer to #2. Here there are Asian’s and White people. The other day I saw the first black guy I’ve seen it weeks. I couldn’t help but stare, but then I remembered how that makes me feel, so I stopped.
• Yoga. I’m in the eastern hemisphere, the home of yoga and I’m just plain ol’ disappointed. I found an English instructor and wasn’t thrilled. Her classes are expensive and she’s just not worth it. At this point, I’m searching for a new studio. So it seems that some of my first Chinese words will be “downward dog” and “warrior one”.
• Generally speaking, things just being easier. The internet connection (which isn’t working…again), finding an apartment, knowing were to go, communicating without struggle, etc. I know it’s all part of the learning experience, but sometimes, I just want something hard to go smoothly. Some days I don’t even realize I’m in China and others (like today), I miss the ease of being back in Detroit.

But don’t get me wrong…. Contrary to the tone of most of my blogs, I love it here. City living in China is fantastic. For one, where else in the world could we afford a downtown apartment for very little month. The Metro is very inexpensive and can get you anywhere in the city for a few cents. Fabien and I aren’t sure how we’ll ever be able to tolerate the cost of living when we return to the US/Europe. Plus, having everything within walking distance (your neighborhood bar, grocery store, dry cleaners, etc.) definitely has it’s perks. And on top of that, you lose weight because you walk everywhere and because it’s so hot you don’t want to eat. Being able to plead foreign ignorance is also a pro. And lastly….Asia is were it is at. There are over a billion people here and tons of economic growth.  Buildings are going up everywhere. Everyone (except me) has a job no matter how important or insignificant. The landscape, culture and cities are so incredibly interesting and (usually) beautiful. Travel is relatively cheap.  I could go on and on. So, yes, of course, generally, I miss things at home. But I am soaking up the positives here and enjoying the things I will miss from here when we leave.