Tag: cancer suvivorship

Pausing, Slowing Down & Reducing the Noise

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As featured on curetoday.com

In his book “Information Anxiety” (1989), Richard Wurman claims that the weekday edition of The New York Times contains more information than the average person in 17th-century England was likely to come across in a lifetime. I am curious how that statement would change given the speed of information and life in 2017. Of course, I am so grateful for the significant impact this surge of information has created in the cancer world. However, the biggest downside of the increased velocity is a world with so much noise.  Add cancer to this equation and it’s no wonder anxiety accompanies the disease.

Gandhi said, “There’s more to life than increasing it’s speed,” and it took a cancer diagnosis in September 2014 for me to understand the meaning of this quote. Information overload and busyness has become a chronic disease in our society. It seems as though everyone wants to move through life as fast as possible and news pours on us before we can formulate our own thoughts. I think it’s quite sad. None of us will be on our deathbed wishing we moved through this world more rapidly. Everybody and everything wants our time and attention, which are two of the most precious commodities for a cancer survivor.

Illness did not just force me to slow down – there was a chunk of time where it pretty much stopped me in my tracks. I went from endurance athlete to bed ridden in a matter of months, which was humbling and an experience filled with valuable lessons. As a result, I learned that the slower I go, the more I can actually accomplish well. Slowing down allows me to live with quality, in the moment.  And most importantly, decreasing my pace has made me acutely aware of the outside noise that distracts us from the life’s most important things, which aren’t things at all. They are our relationships and health.

I am very fortunate that I did not have (or want) to jump back into a busy life after going through active treatment. My life gives me the option to say, “no,” which I do often. When I’m in a particularly noisy period, I don’t just slow down the intake of information and activities, but do my best to pause all together in order to put all my time and attention into my personal self-care. I give myself the time and space to do my favorite things which include writing, yoga, reading, sleeping 8-9 hours, taking naps, meditating daily, writing my prayer and gratitude list, taking walks (gasp) without a device and reduce my time on the internet.

Whether you’re a cancer survivor or not, EVERYONE could benefit from slowing down, pausing and reducing the noise to enjoy the only guarantee any of us have, which is the present moment we are in.

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A Day in the Life of a Cancer Patient

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Last Thursday, I was driving to the Cancer Center for my monthly injection of Lanreotide and had an idea to photo document the day in the life of a cancer patient. Then I decided against it because I felt uncomfortable asking the staff for selfies of my activities and now, I regret it.

As I was leaving the hospital, I checked Twitter to see that the American Healthcare Act (AHCA) passed in the House of Representatives and I was flooded with so many emotions – fear, anger, worry, stress. Isn’t it enough I have to deal with cancer?

So, in lieu of a photo documentary, I still think there’s some value in posting the play-by-play of my day to provide a small glimpse of what illness suffers endure. However, it should be noted that in the big world of cancer, I have it pretty easy.

6:00 a.m. Rise, drink coffee, wake up, clean up.

7:00 Shower, apply lidocaine cream to port to numb the 3/4 inch needle phlebotomist will stab into my chest soon.

8:00 Out the door. What should take 20 minutes, takes 50 thanks to morning traffic.

8:50 Arrive, park and walk to the hospital.

9:00 Check-in, #1.

9:15 Check-in, #2. I confirm my address, insurance, emergency contact and complete forms, noting any new symptoms since my last visit, including a demographic section, where every month, I have to check the box indicating I am still white. I think these forms are dumb, so I stopped filling them out months ago.

9:30 Blood draw/Chest stabbing. As I’m walking into the lab, I tell the phlebotomist that my tube is the white one in the fridge. Yes, I have my own tube and section in the fridge.

9:45 Wait for the Nurse Practitioner.

10:15 A medical assistant takes me to an exam room and records my blood pressure, heart rate, weight and asks me the questions on the forms they gave me, which is another reason I stopped filling them out.*

10:45 Even though my appointment was at 10:00, the Nurse Practitioner strolls in late. She’s scheduled for patients every 15 minutes, which is completely unrealistic and why she’s late every single time. She asks me all the questions on the form I refuse to complete and confirms, “Yes, I still need the shot,” I’ve been getting every month for two years now.*  Cost of the 15 minutes – $252.

11:00 I make a side trip to the records office to get the disc from my most recent scan since I get to repeat this process with my specialist in New York City in a couple weeks. I fill out the form and tell the clerk I’ll be back in a couple hours.

11:15 Arrive at the Infusion Center, Check-in #3.

12:30 p.m. I’m called back to my infusion room. The medical assistant takes my blood pressure, heart rate and asks me the form questions…again. The nurse shows up moments later and asks me the same questions…for a third time.*

1:30 My shot finally shows up from the pharmacy but needs to sit at room temperature for 30 minutes. Cost of the shot – $18,397.20.

Somatuline_image_1

The tiny pic doesn’t do justice to the needle, but trust me, it’s muy grande.

2:00 The nurse administers the shot. It is the thickest needle any of them have ever seen and is injected into my butt-hip area. It sometimes leaves a nice lump, so we alternate left and right cheek each injection.

 

2:02 I’m now in line to Check-out.

2:15 Pick up the disc of my recent scan.

2:30 Arrive in my car, check Twitter to see the AHCA bill has passed the house is a step closer to reality.

2:45 Arrive at home and call my Senators.

What the daily account does not include is the conversation my husband and I had at dinner, where we re-agreed to move our lives to his home country of France if that’s what it takes to keep me alive and well. For this, I am so lucky. Most sick American’s do not have this option.

What the daily account above does not include is waking up several times Thursday night and not being able to fall back to sleep because I was worried for my well-being and the well-being of other people who will go bankrupt and/or die because of this bill.

What this daily account above does not include is the emotional and mental side effects from illness.

I could use this platform to share my specific views on the debate, but I won’t. It’s all been said and I do not have anything new to add to the debate. All I can do is share my story with my legislators in hopes that it will inspire them to do the right thing for the citizens of the country which boasts itself as the greatest on earth.

If you’re impacted by illness (and who isn’t), I encourage you to contact your Senators. Share your story. If you’re not sure where to start or what to say, I recommend https://5calls.org/#about where they provide your representative’s contact information with scripts on what to say.

*The snark is directed at the system and not the staff.  They are simply following protocols and are 110% awesome.

 

Review: ‘The Collateral Beauty’ of Illness

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I’ve wanted to see the movie, “Collateral Beauty” since it’s release last year and finally watched it this weekend. There are times when a movie, song, writing, painting or another piece of art generate a profound impact in us and I would add this film into that category.

 

The main character, played by Will Smith, is suffering from tremendous grief. The movie tells the story of his business partners and friends going to great lengths to help him. These people also learn important life lessons as well. The underlying themes are love, time and death. Cancer also has a couple starring roles. The concept of collateral beauty is explained, when a character shares her feelings of an overwhelming and profound connection to everything after her own traumatic experience.

After this scene, I looked at my husband and said, “I totally get it.”

Without question, dealing with illness has made me more intensely aware of love, time and death. I remember not long after treatment, feeling so much love for everything and everyone around me. I had so much gratitude for time and deeply understood it’s fragility and temporariness.  I walked the line between life and death and saw how thin the line is.  These feelings were so intense to the point my face would be soaked with tears from a pretty sunset or when my eyes flicked open in the morning. It was then I learned how much beauty can exist in that deemed terrible. I think these feelings and awareness have been a gift and none of that would be possible without cancer.

“No matter how dark and no matter how difficult a time is, there is something beautiful that’s happening right there, you just have to look and see it.” -Will Smith