My Night at the Brothel

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Fabien went to Japan this week with a couple friends, so I’ve been left to fend for myself. My friend, Julia, had some vacation time to burn, so it worked out well that both our boyfriends were out of town and we were women in need of some relaxation. I suggested we finally head to the all night spa that she had told me about months ago. And so we boarded the train Wednesday evening and within an hour and a half we were being greeted by 10 singing women spa employees. Weird.

They immediately whisk you to the female locker room and give you a key tag with a number that services are charged to. The attendant screamed as us to take a shower and threw a towel down. Strange. So we did as we were told and when I got out of the shower, I couldn’t find Julia. Another attendant said something I didn’t understand and motioned for me to follow her. Hell bent on not being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery I decided to find Julia instead. Once I did, we were given pajamas and cleared to enter the spa area. I was just grateful they make everyone shower up before coming in with God knows what on their body.

It reminded me of being in a casino except there was no gambling and everyone was in pajamas. Low overhead lamps, neon lights, curricular booths, women dressed scantly clad and lots of people smoking. The cool points were that there were leather recliners with your own personal TV screens everywhere, free buffets and so many activities to occupy your time. Sauna, steam room, 5 pools, hot tubs, pool and ping pong tables, bars, restaurants and kids area (yes, there were tons of kids there). For our first activity, we decided on a 2 hour aroma therapy massage. After we ordered it up, the hostess asked us if we’d like to choose our girls. Bizarre. Um, I’ll just take one that is free of any sort of STD, thanks. The massage itself was actually one of the best I’ve had and my masseuse was nothing but professional. However, it sounded like the guy in the next room had the best “massage” of his life. Creepy. After that, we were ready for bed, which would be in one of the big leather chairs. Surprisingly I slept really well with the exception of someone’s kid crying several times throughout the night and people having loud conversations on their cell phones. This just reinforced the fact that there is no common courtesy in China.

The next morning Julia and I had one of the most amazing cups of coffee I’ve ever had, fresh fruit and foot massages, all while we watched a movie. This time my masseuse raped my foot with his hands. Basically, it just hurt and I asked him to stop several times. He responded by telling me we was trying to work out the pain and that I should relax. No means no and after I protested further, he eased up. Then I got a foot scraping, which sounds scary but I can assure you that my feet are as soft as the day I was born.

I’m positive there were some sketchy things going on but overall, the place was pretty awesome, clean and, for the most part, classy. For about a hundred dollars I got a few hours worth of massages, ate great food, drank, had a relaxing night and another authentic experience.

Ode to My Man

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There is someone very special in my life, who I’m missing a lot these days. When he first came into my life, I wasn’t sold on the idea of a relationship with him. He was a lot of work, messy and required a lot of attention. All of these things considered, we fell totally in love and have been through so much together. He was there when I moved into my house and eased my fears of a single girl living alone. He helped me train for the marathon last year giving me “that look” whenever I didn’t feel like running. Soon after, I’d find myself following him out the door and behind him for the rest of our run. Everyday, when I came home, it was like he hadn’t seen me in months. After he stopped screaming with excitement, he’d shower me with kisses. Our relationship is not perfect. Sometimes his endless energy and neurotic behavior gets on my nerves. There are days I want to just relax on the couch and he just doesn’t seem to understand. Other times I want to do things without him and it just about breaks his heart.

His name is Bear and he’s a German Shepherd who I’ve had for a little over 4 years. Let me play proud mother for a moment. There are a few words you can’t say when he is present because he will explode with excitement. Squirrel, vacation (meaning camping), mama, school, walk and the most impactful…ball. To say he loves to play ball is an understatement. If you’ve been to my house, he most definitely has tried to sucker you into a throw or two (or a thousand) by nicely placing the sometimes spit soaked tennis ball on your lap. I have never once seen him refuse a game of fetch. He also loves walks and runs. Everyday when he sees you go for the leash, he screams and jumps with excitement. Another thing he throughly enjoys is going to Doggie Daycare (aka school). Go ahead and call me pretentious, but it’s the perfect way to get his energy out, keep him socialized with other dogs and not feel guilty because he’s home all day in his crate. He even has a girlfriend, another German Shepherd, named Abbey. They play soccer together but I’m told that she’s the one who wears the pants in the relationship. I’m proud because I raised him to respect women and do what it takes to make them happy. Which leads me to the next reason that he’s so awesome. He listens to me, does what I say and knows that I’m the boss. I don’t even need to say anything, I just need to give a look and it’s understood that I’m not happy about what he’s doing. So, he usually just goes and punishes himself. If I give him the silent treatment coupled with not looking at him, he’s efforts to earn my forgiveness are relentless. I always know when he’s done something bad because I’ll come in the house and he’s nowhere to be found. Usually, he’s upstairs hiding under the bed. Yes people, my German Shepherd can be a sissy. And this was never more the case since I got roommates. With 2 other girls, came 2 additional cats (I already had one). You would’ve thought Bear would be at the top of the food chain. Nope, at the bottom. It’s not unusual to see him hauling ass down the hallway followed by a cat or two who are irritated with him because he’s woken them up, tried to eat their food or simply existed. I made him look in the mirror once and then told him “You’re a German Shepherd and you don’t have to take this.” He’s a lover, not a fighter.

Now that I’ve made all the non-animal people sick or simply stop reading, I’ll wrap it up. Since I’ve been in China, my roommates and best friends, Lara and Liz, have become his surrogate mothers. I am so incredibly grateful for them and for my mom who have been taking good care of him. I love Bear and miss him more than I could even begin to express. For the first few months in China I would find myself sad and then realize it was because I missed him. I know he’s just a dog but he has also been a strong constant in the happiest years of my life. He ALWAYS wants to be with me and there is NEVER any question about his feelings. He is the perfect example of unconditional love.

Happy 5th Birthday Beary!

Hol(l)y Crap

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I’ve been pretty fired up for one of my best friends, Holly, to come visit us in China. She was scheduled to arrive Thursday night in Hong Kong, so I had planned lunch with another friend who lives there and booked a hotel for us to stay that night before heading back to Guangzhou on Friday. Thursday morning I woke up to a voicemail from Holly saying her flight was cancelled and she didn’t know when she would arrive. I was so bummed but because I had lunch plans, decided to head to Hong Kong anyway and wait it out. To get to the city I took the train from Guangzhou to Shenzhen, then walked across the customs boarder and hopped on the Metro into the city. When I was exiting the Metro I felt my backpack move. I turned around and saw that some douchebag had my wallet in his hand. I snatched it back and he said “sorry”. Let’s side bar here….If I were a low life, thieving, dead beat like him, I wouldn’t of said ‘sorry’, I would’ve started running with the cash. So not does this guy suck at life, he also sucks at being a loser. I wasn’t going to let him get away with his shenanigans. I grabbed his shirt and decided I would make a citizens arrest. He decided he was going to resist and started running. His shirt ripped and then I had the realization that he could have a knife or turn around and punch me in the face, so I let go. This was my wake up call that I had gotten lax with my travels. No more wallet in the backpack pocket. Lesson learned.

After several irrate phone calls to Delta, I determined that Holly would arrive on Friday at 8:30 am, 11:30am or 7:35pm. I managed to keep myself busy at the airport and take full advantage of their free WI-FI and Facebook access. Fortunately, she arrived at 11:30am and we boarded the bus to Guangzhou. Normally the ride takes 3 1/2 hours, but it was Friday rush hour so it took roughly 6. Poor Holly. After 15 hours of plane I know the bus ride was not fun. The next day we tooled around the city getting pedicures, massages and measurements for a custom suit for her. It was an easy going day which was needed because we were leaving for Beijing early Sunday morning.

We awoke to terencial downpour but fortunately our flight was not delayed. I expected Beijing to be the Asian version of Manhattan. Not the case. The taxi driver had no clue what was going on and the city is laid out like Houston. Sprawling urban areas and everything far apart. Due to Holly’s extensive travel in the US, we were hooked up with a free room at the JW Marriott which included a serious breakfast spread and happy hour dinner and drinks. Big pimpin’ in Beijing. We immediately hit Tiananamen Square and the Forbidden City. They were great sights and we were instantly turned into Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Everyone wanted our pictures which just made Holly crack up. Both sights were great and had we not been starving and exhausted, we would’ve spent more time. We decided to get a taxi and head to the hotel for a late afternoon nap. As we waked down the street trying to unsuccessfully hail cabs, we chatted about some of the funny cultural differences. I clued Holly into an ancient Chinese secret for potty training children. Just let them walk around without pants or wear the popular, Asian assless pants. I couldn’t have timed it better because no sooner did I say that and I saw a little girl taking a leak in the garden. I laughed, pointed and as soon as Holly looked she saw something horrific. The little girl was not peeing but doing a #2 and Holly just witnessed the whole thing. This would be the focus of many spontaneous outbursts of laughter over the next few days.

Tuesday was almost uneventful and we visited the Olympic Park (super cool) and then got foot massages. Holly wanted a full body massage but the masseuse wanted to give it to her with all of her clothes on and with out any oil. The Chinese are so modest. After that, we were in need of a little fun and went to the bar street which surrounds a lake. There we had beers and ate Roast Peking Duck, the Beijing specialty. We turned in early because the next day we arranged for a private car to take us to the Great Wall and Summer Palace.

We woke up early and were excited about the day which promised to be the highlight of the whole trip. After a hearty breakfast in the Executive Lounge, our driver called to say she had arrived and was waiting outside. We got to the car and she there were other people in the van. Had we wanted to go with other people we would’ve booked a with a group for 200 RMB less. Then the chica advised us we’d be making a stop at the Silk and Jade Factory. I smelled a scam so after reading the girl the riot act, we walked away. Defeated, we headed back to the room and called another driver who gave us there business card a couple days earlier. Same thing. They showed up, no one was in the car this time and tried to take us to the Silk and Jade Factory. Here it was 10am and we have been through 2 drivers already. Instead of walking around and looking for a driver we decided it was time to check with the hotel. The doorman helped us negotiate with a taxi driver and we agreed on a higher (but reasonable) than expected price. Within 30 minutes of dumping our 2nd driver we were finally on our way. And he was fantastic. He took us to the part of the wall that we wanted, made sure we got our tickets, gave us bottles of water and even laughed at my attempts to speak Chinese with him. Totally worth it.

The wall itself is simply amazing. It made traveling to Beijing totally worth it. We went to Mutianyu, climbed until you couldn’t climb anymore, took about a million pictures, sweated in the 100 heat and loved every minute. It was steep, the mountains went forever, and every time we turned around we couldn’t help but say it was more beautiful than the view before. I won’t even low grade the wall by saying, if you ever have the chance to go, then take it. I would say, that the Great Wall is a must see place. Simply stunning, breath taking, heart breaking and totally the most amazing sight I’ve ever seen.

Today was a beautiful day in Guangzhou and we got another massage and did some serious shopping. Tomorrow we’ll be heading to Hong Kong to sightsee and celebrate the 4th of July weekend, American/Chinese/French style – whatever that is.

Check out Beijing’s Greatest Hits by clicking here.